THE EXPLANATORY FIC
(CHARACTERS do something interesting. CAMERA fades to black in the middle of it.)
CAMERA: Well, I'm done here.
AUTHOR: Like hell you are.
THE BACKSTORY FIC
CHARACTER: Alas, I do not have much of a backstory.
AUTHOR: Now you do!
CHARACTER: ... hooray?
THE BACKSTORY FIC, PART 2
EXTREMELY MINOR CHARACTER: I have no backstory, no personality, and perhaps three lines of dialogue.
AUTHOR: Well, we can't have that.
THE MARY SUE
CHARACTER: I'm OOC.
MARY SUE: I'm stereotypical.
CHARACTER: I love you.
MARY SUE: I love you too, snookie-ookie-wookums.
CHARACTER: Something is wrong.
SELF-INSERT: I can fix it!
CHARACTER: You're very strong.
SELF-INSERT: I can beat you all up!
CHARACTER: You're fourteen.
SELF-INSERT: And I can solve all your problems!
CHARACTER: That's wonderful! We trust you utterly!
THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT FIC
CHARACTER: We won! It's over!
AUTHOR: Like hell it is.